Proverbs 17: Lessons for Living in Blessed, Spirit-Led Relationships
Introduction: Here, Solomon reveals lessons for living in relationships as Yahweh intended. Yahweh, the great “I AM,” is another name for Jesus (Jo. 8:58; Ex. 3:14). Thus, through the full revelation of the New Testament, Solomon reveals seven lessons for living blessed relationships as Jesus intended. These include: (1) family unity under Jesus, (2) Jesus’ righteousness, (3) Jesus’ love, (4) Jesus’ Word, (5) Jesus’ wisdom, (6) contentment through Jesus, and (7) restraint.
First, in verses one and two, Solomon revealed that living in blessed relationships should include having your family live in godly unity. Families should live together in unity under Jesus’ authority. Second, in verses three through eight, Solomon described how living in blessed relationships should include living according to godly righteousness. Jesus’ standards of righteousness will allow people to be protected and grow in their relationships. Third, in verses nine through 14, Solomon revealed how living in blessed relationships should include showing godly love and forgiveness to others. When you love and forgive others just as Jesus did for you, He will bless your relationships. Fourth, in verses 15 through 17, Solomon described how living in blessed relationships should include living under the authority of God’s Word. When you live according to Jesus’ Word and His standard of morality, your relationships will again receive His blessings. Fifth, in verses 18 through 21, Solomon revealed how living in blessed relationships should include seeking out and applying godly Wisdom. Jesus’ wisdom will also protect and allow your relationships to thrive in Him. Sixth, in verses 22 through 25, Solomon described how living in blessed relationships should include finding contentment through God. When you find contentment in Jesus, you are less likely to find conflict in your relationships. Finally, in verses 26 through 28, Solomon revealed how living in blessed relationships should include restraining your tongue and your flesh. When you restrain your tongue and your flesh, you protect your relations from your harmful feelings that you may hold towards others.
1. Family Unity Under Jesus: Living in Blessed Relationships Should Include Having Your Family Live in Spirit-Led Unity. Prov. 17:1-2.
A blessed family seeks godly contentment and unity over material possessions. Because the family is God’s intended structure for raising believers, Solomon began by stressing the importance of godly unity and contentment over seeking wealth. “1 Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting with strife.” (Prov. 17:1). “Proverbs 17:1 speaks volumes about the essence of a fulfilling life. We must take its message to heart and learn to cherish our relationships over material wealth. The peace and love found in our connections with one another play a vital role in our overall happiness. Instead of chasing after more possessions, we should focus on enriching our homes with love and understanding. No banquet or feast can replace the joy of a peaceful family gathering.” (Jamie Wilson, ExplainingtheBible.com on Prov. 17:1).1
Let Jesus be the authority over your family and find contentment in Him. If your family chooses to live in reverent submission to Jesus over covetousness, you will enjoy blessed relationships. “Better is a little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure, and turmoil with the treasure.” (Prov. 15:16). “Better is the little of the righteous than the abundance of many wicked.” (Ps. 37:16). “One hand full of rest is better than two fists full of labor and striving after wind.” (Ecc. 4:6). “But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment.” (1 Tim. 6:6).
It is better to live modestly with godly family unity than strife and worldly wealth2
Children who refuse to submit to godly authority are likely to live in sorrow. A child who lives in rebellion and pride is likely to be cast lower than the people who serve him. “2 A servant who acts wisely will rule over a son who acts shamefully, and will share in the inheritance among brothers.” (Prov. 17:2). “In the Old Testament era, a master’s sons were treated very differently from servants (John 8:35; Galatians 4:7). Still, a father could leave an inheritance to anyone he chose. This proverb points out that blood relationships don’t—or shouldn’t—override all other concerns. A father might choose to leave a larger share to a loyal, hardworking servant than to a son who brings the family shame (Proverbs 19:26). Although Christians are Jesus' servants, they have become ‘heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ’ (Romans 8:17). (BibleRef.com on Prov. 17:2).3
Through faith, you will become a child of God with an eternal inheritance. Even though a gentile is not born into God’s chosen people, you can become an heir to His blessings through faith. “For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons and daughters of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons and daughters by which we cry out, ‘Abba! Father!’ …and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.” (Ro. 8:14-15, 17).
2. Jesus’ Righteousness: Living in Blessed Relationships Should Include Living According to Jesus’ Standards of Righteousness. Prov. 17:3-8.
Jesus refines you to live in His righteousness. Within the context of your relationships, Jesus reveals that He refines your heart to allow you to live in His righteousness. “3 The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests hearts.” (Prov. 17:3). “Wonderful as is the separation of the pure metal from the dross with which it has mingled, there is something yet more wonderful in the divine discipline which purifies the good that lies hid, like a grain of gold, even in rough and common natures, and frees it from all admixture of evil.” (Albert Barnes’ Notes on the Bible, Prov. 17:3).4
Submit to Jesus’ testing so that He can refine your heart. Because the heart is wicked and can ruin relationships, believers should submit themselves to Jesus’ examination and refinement. “For You have put us to the test, God; You have refined us as silver is refined.” (Ps. 66:10). “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.” (Is. 48:10). “And He will sit as a smelter and purifier of silver, and He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, so that they may present to the LORD offerings in righteousness.” (Mal. 3:3). “And I will bring the third part through the fire, refine them as silver is refined, and test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name, and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are My people,’ and they will say, ‘The LORD is my God.’” (Zech. 13:9; 1 Pet. 1:6-7; Rev. 3:18).
Blessed relationships are based upon truth and avoid all forms of lies and deceit. Jesus is unlikely to bless a relationship if a person listens to lies. “4 An evildoer listens to wicked lips; a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.” (Prov. 17:4). “A bad man delights in and hearkens to evil words; he takes pleasure in those who counsel wickedness, because they are after his own heart. Like mates with like.” (Pulpit Commentary on Prov. 17:4).5
If you wish to have relationships, do not be unequally yoked. If you are in the company of liars or others who openly engage in evil, they will pull you off your walk with Jesus. “Do not enter the path of the wicked and do not proceed in the way of evil people.” (Prov. 4:14). “One who walks with wise people will be wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Pr. 13:20). “Blessed is the person who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers!” (Ps. 1:1; “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.”’ (1 Cor. 15:33). “Do not be mismatched with unbelievers; for what do righteousness and lawlessness share together, or what does light have in common with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14). “Do not participate in the useless deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;” (Eph. 5:11).
Jesus also wants you to help the poor. Before blessing your relationships, Jesus wants you to bless those in need around you. “5 One who mocks the poor taunts his Maker; one who rejoices at disaster will not go unpunished.” (Prov. 17:5). “Some people find it easy to mock the poor. They love to think of themselves as better than those who have less than they do. Such people should understand that when they mock the poor, they despise (reproach) the One who made both the poor and themselves. The fact that both the poor and the well-off have the same Maker should give the richer person greater sympathy and greater sense… To be glad at anyone’s calamity shows an unloving, unsympathetic heart. Anyone who despises their fellow man this way should expect God to answer and defend the weaker one.” (David Guzik on Prov. 17:5).6
Jesus will bless those who help the needy. Proverbs 17:5 repeats for emphasis a similar prior proverb: “One who oppresses the poor taunts his Maker, but one who is gracious to the needy honors Him.” (Prov. 14:31). Jesus will bless those with the faith to help others. This includes your relationships. “One who is gracious to a poor person lends to the LORD, and He will repay him for his good deed.” (Prov. 19:17). “And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of Mine, you did it for Me.’” (Matt. 25:40). “But whoever has worldly goods and sees his brother or sister in need, and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God remain in him?” (1 Jo. 3:17; Jam. 2:15-16).
Live according to Jesus’ righteousness, and your legacy and family will be blessed. One of the many forms of blessed relationships that Jesus offers for faithful believers are grandchildren. “6 Grandchildren are the crown of the old, and the glory of sons is their fathers.” (Prov. 17:6). “It is an honor to parents, when they are old, to leave children, and children’s children growing up, that tread in the steps of their virtues, and are likely to maintain and advance the reputation of their families, and to serve their generation according to the will of God;” (Joseph Benson’s Commentary on Prov. 17:6).7
As your first ministry, raise your children and grandchildren to have faith in Jesus8
Invest in your family as your first ministry. Children are a gift from God. “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” (Ps. 127:3-4). As parents honor God by raising God-fearing children; children and grandchildren should honor their parents and grandparents (Ex. 20:12; Dt. 5:16; Eph. 6:2-3). You live according to Jesus’ righteousness when you honor your duties to love, protect, honor, and uplift your family members under Jesus’ authority. “but if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to show proper respect for their own family and to give back compensation to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God.” (1 Tim. 5:4).
Relationships are blessed when you speak loving words. With the words of wisdom and love that Jesus has left you, He wants you to pour words of life and blessings through Him into the people around you. “7 Excellent speech is not fitting for a fool, much less are lying lips to a prince.” (Prov. 17:7). “Unlike a fool, whose speech may likely be destructive or incoherent, excellent speech is based on thoughtfulness, honesty, and discernment. It can inspire, guide, and uplift. This is important as it reminds us that our conversations bear influence, and we could have the opportunity to have a lasting impact in our family, friendships, and community. When it comes to the implications of lying, it is critical to understand how dishonesty can lead to distrust. Trust is foundational in all relationships, whether they are personal or professional. Liars, especially those in leadership, cultivate an environment of skepticism and instability. Therefore, it results not only in consequences for themselves but also affects those who rely on their leadership. We are called to be truth-bearers, and letting our speech be governed by integrity can result in fruitful relationships.” (Christianitypath.com on Prov. 17:7).9
Evil words can ruin your relationships. When you tell lies or put people down, it causes great harm to your relationships. “So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness; the tongue is set among our body’s parts as that which defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.” (Jam. 3:5-6). In contrast, speaking Jesus’ truth has great value. “20 The tongue of the righteous is like choice silver, the heart of the wicked is worth little. 21 The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of understanding … The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked, what is perverted.” (Prov. 10:20-21, 32). “The tongue of the wise makes knowledge pleasant, but the mouth of fools spouts foolishness.” (Prov. 15:2). Your words must also be based on love. “If I speak with the tongues of mankind and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” (1 Cor. 13:1).
A bribe also ruins relationships. A person who claims to live according to Jesus’ standards of righteousness never engages in ethical shortcuts, including bribes. “8 A bribe is a charm in the sight of its owner; wherever he turns, he prospers.” (Prov. 17:8). “This verse from the Bible emphasizes the dangerous allure and deceptive nature of bribery. It compares a bribe to a charm or a talisman, suggesting that giving a bribe may initially seem like a magical solution that guarantees success in every endeavor. However, the verse cautions that this success is illusory and built on deceitful foundations. The verse highlights the transient and superficial nature of bribery, serving as a stark reminder of the moral pitfalls and consequences of seeking success through corrupt means. Think about it – why would one need to resort to bribery if their actions and intentions were pure? The verse challenges readers to reflect on their moral compass and the values they hold dear by equating bribery to a charm. It prompts us to consider the long-term consequences of our actions and to prioritize integrity and honesty over short-term gains.” (Reverend Michael Johnson GodBless.ing on Prov. 17:8).10
Be a person of integrity in dealing with others. Part of living in Jesus’ righteousness includes having integrity. Thus, God had many rules against bribery. “You shall not take a bribe, for a bribe blinds the clear-sighted and subverts the cause of the just.” (Ex. 23:8). “You shall not distort justice; you shall not be partial, and you shall not take a bribe, for a bribe blinds the eyes of the wise and perverts the words of the righteous.” (Dt. 16:19). As our example, God is always impartial and fair in all that He does (Dt. 10:17; 1 Pet. 1:17-19). On various occasions, the Pharisees tried to find evidence to kill Jesus (Mk. 11:18; 14:1; Lk. 19:47; 22:2; Jo. 10:31). They later bribed Judas to betray Him (Matt. 26:15; 27:3, 9). Later, many of these same men judged Jesus during His trial. By giving a bribe, they were just as guilty under God’s rules as Judas was in accepting it. The Pharisees allowed their jealousy and rage at Jesus to undermine their own integrity. When you destroy your integrity, you also ruin your relationships.
3. Jesus’ Love: Living in Blessed Relationships Should Include Showing Jesus’ Love and Forgiveness to Others. Prov. 17:9-14.
Blessed relationships should include love and forgiveness. Jesus is more likely to bless a relationship when you show His love and forgiveness to others. “9 One who conceals an offense seeks love, but one who repeats a matter separates close friends.” (Prov. 17:9). “The way to preserve peace is to make the best of everything; not to notice what has been said or done against ourselves.” (Matthew Henry on Prov, 19:9).11
Love covers a multitude of sins. You speak with Jesus’ wisdom when you share His love and forgive others. “12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.” (Prov. 10:12). “For if you forgive other people for their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive other people, then your Father will not forgive your offenses.” (Matt. 16:14-15). “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Pet. 4:8). “In addition to all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” (Col. 3:14). “If I speak with the tongues of mankind and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” (1 Cor. 13:1). “Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for the one who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the Law.” (Ro. 13:8).
Forgive others out of love, and Jesus will forgive your offenses out of love12
A blessed relationship should include a willingness to accept correction. A part of loving your neighbor includes gentle, godly correction. “10 A rebuke goes deeper into one who has understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.” (Prov. 17:10). “An important facet of spiritual maturity is being ‘teachable.’ A humble person, one eager for truth (Proverbs 4:1), is open to correction. That's even true when it comes in the form of a ‘rebuke:’ a strongly worded or scolding form of criticism.” (BibleRef.com on Prov. 17:10).13
Submit to Spirit-led discipline. Believers grow in wisdom by submitting to discipline. “My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD Or loathe His rebuke,” (Prov. 3:11). “For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light; and rebukes for discipline are the way of life” (Prov. 6:23). “Do not rebuke a scoffer, or he will hate you; rebuke a wise person and he will love you.” (Prov. 9:8). “One whose ear listens to a life-giving rebuke will stay among the wise.” (Prov. 15:31). “One who loves discipline loves knowledge, But one who hates rebuke is stupid.” (Prov. 12:1). “Listen to advice and accept discipline, So that you may be wise the rest of your days.” (Prov. 19:20). “It is better to listen to the rebuke of a wise person than for one to listen to the song of fools.” (Ecc. 7:5). Those who submit to godly discipline grow in Jesus’ righteousness. “For the moment, all discipline seems not to be pleasant, but painful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” (Heb. 12:11; Job 5:17; Ps. 94:12). Jesus also disciplines those whom He loves (Heb. 12:6; Rev. 3:19).
A person who rebels against Jesus and seeks evil will ruin relationships. Jesus will judge the non-repentant sinner who rebels against godly discipline and seeks out evil. “11 A rebellious person seeks only evil, so a cruel messenger will be sent against him.” (Prov. 17:11). The rebellious person “is continually seeking to do mischief in the commonwealth; he is continually plotting and contriving destructive schemes, and stirring up sedition, and causing trouble; and so a rebel against God is always seeking that which is sinful, which is evil in its own nature, and contrary to the law and will of God; and in the issue brings the evil of punishment on himself; therefore a cruel messenger shall be sent against him:” (John Gill’s Exposition on the Entire Bible, Prov. 17:11).14
Rebellion is a demonic sin to Jesus. When you rebel, you let Satan control you. “For rebellion is as reprehensible as the sin of divination, and insubordination is as reprehensible as false religion and idolatry...” (1 Sam. 15:23). Jesus will judge those who rebel. This may include ruined relationships. ‘“But if you refuse and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.’ For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.” (Is. 1:20). As one example of this, after Korah and 250 other men tried to rebel against Moses and overthrow him, God caused the ground to open and send them to Sheol (Nu. 16:31-35). As another example of this, after Absalom rebelled against his father David, it caused him to become trapped in a tree. Joab then executed him (2 Sam. 18:9-14).
Avoid relationships with those who are consumed with vengeance and anger. Part of living in blessed relationships includes having the wisdom to avoid angry people. “12 Let a person meet a bear robbed of her cubs, rather than a fool in his foolishness.” (Prov. 17:12). “A bear is a biblical symbol for anger and ferocity, here exacerbated due to being robbed of her young (cf.2 Sam. 17:8; Hos. 13:8). By a human being shows that she lost her young by deliberate human action, and so is bent on revenge against the robber … In sum: on your own, don’t confront a raging fool bent on revenge, for the fool will kill you.” (Bruce Waltke and Ivan De Silva on Proverbs Prov. 17:12).15
When you cannot show love to your enemies, avoid them. When describing a fool’s vengeful anger, Solomon used similar words that are frequently used to describe God’s future judgment upon non-repentant sinners. “I will confront them like a bear deprived of her cubs, and I will tear open their chests; I will also devour them there like a lioness, as a wild animal would tear them to pieces.” (Hosea 13:8; Amos 5:9; 2 Kgs. 17:25; Is. 31:4). When possible, believers should seek to find peace with their enemies. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people.” (Rom. 12:18). This includes showing love to your enemies and praying for them. “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” (Matt. 5:44; Lk. 6:27-28; Rom. 12:20-21). But Solomon’s proverb states that sometimes we will face enemies who are uncompromising in their destructive anger. When dialogue is not an option, believers must avoid people who are filled with anger. “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be as wary as serpents, and as innocent as doves.” (Matt. 10:16).
Avoid those who give into the wild instincts and wrath of their flesh16
Relationships are ruined when you repay good with evil. To show Jesus’ light and love to others, you must never repay good with evil. “13 One who returns evil for good, evil will not depart from his house.” (Prov. 17:13). “Returning evil for good is a profound moral transgression illustrated powerfully in the wisdom literature of the Bible. This verse captures the dire repercussions faced by those who demonstrate ingratitude and malice towards kindness. Such behavior not only harms the individual’s character but extends a curse that affects their entire household. Illustratively, King David's actions toward Uriah serve as a stark example—his malicious return of evil for Uriah’s loyalty brought tragedy upon his lineage.” (TheBibleSays.com on Prov. 17:13).17
Repaying good with evil will ruin relationships. The Bible is against repaying evil with evil. “Never repay evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all people.” (Rom. 12:17; 1 Pet. 3:9; 1 Thess. 5:15). “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,” (Lk. 6:27; Matt. 5:44). Thus, repaying good with evil is an even greater sin that can bring God’s judgment if the person does not repent. Saul was cursed because he repaid David’s good will toward him with evil. “And he said to David, ‘You are more righteous than I; for you have dealt well with me, while I have dealt maliciously with you.”’ (1 Sam. 24:17). Nabal also repaid David’s kindness with evil and would have died if Abigail had not interceded. ‘Now David had said, “It is certainly for nothing that I have guarded everything that this man has in the wilderness, so that nothing has gone missing of all that belonged to him! For he has returned me evil for good.”’ (1 Sam. 25:21). Likewise, after David murdered his loyal servant Uriah, Nathan warned that David’s house (including his children) would be cursed. “Now then, the sword shall never leave your house, because you have despised Me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’” (2 Sam. 12:10).
Uncontrolled strife will also ruin relationships. To live according to Jesus’ light and love to others, you must also avoid unnecessary conflict. “14 The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.” (Prov. 17:14). “The danger of strife is in its beginning; most often it begins with a small matter that will grow larger as contention spreads. One provoking word will lead to another, and before long it is as if a dam has broken, and you are saying things that you don’t mean. Because no one is going to give in to try and settle the matter, there is now hurt feelings and bitterness that has to be dealt with.” (Ronald Young on Prov. 17:14).18
Evil words and strife spread quickly and may cause great harm to many people. James warns that lies, gossip, and slander can damage relations as quickly as a fire. “So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness; the tongue is set among our body’s parts as that which defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.” (Jam. 3:5-6). “But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another.” (Gal. 5:15). “Now I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all agree and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be made complete in the same mind and in the same judgment.” (1 Cor. 1:10).
4. Jesus’ Word: Living in Blessed Relationships will Include Living According to the Standards of Jesus’ Word. Prov. 17:15-17.
Jesus will not bless a relationship that He defines as evil in His Word. Within the context of relationships, Solomon warns against those who try to redefine good and evil. “15 One who justifies the wicked and one who condemns the righteous, both of them alike are an abomination to the Lord.” (Prov. 17:15). “In matters of judgment and relationships, the wicked should be despised and rejected, and the righteous should be loved and received. David hated the wicked like God does (Ps 5:5; 11:5; 101:3-8; 139:21-22). And David loved the righteous like God does (Ps 15:4; 16:3; 119:63,79; 122:8; 146:8-9). Ministers reject sinners and love good men (Tit 1:8; 3:9-11). The great conflict between righteous and wicked will never end (Pr 29:10,27) … Many say, ‘Let’s agree to disagree.’ But the fact is that God does not have such a loose and compromising approach to truth. Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and every moral issue has one right and many wrong positions. David said, ‘Therefore I esteem all thy precepts concerning all things to be right; and I hate every false way’ (Ps 119:128).” (LetGodbeTrue.com on Prov. 17:15).19
Jesus will not bless a relationship that He defines as evil. God strongly condemns those who label as good what He defines as evil in His Word and those who call behaviors as good that He defines as evil in His Word. “Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!” (Is. 5:20). “You have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet you say, ‘How have we wearied Him?’ In that you say, ‘Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and He delights in them,’ or, ‘Where is the God of justice?’” (Mal. 2:17). “You who hate good and love evil, who tear off their skin from them and their flesh from their bones,” (Micah 3:2). “Seek good and not evil, so that you may live; and so may the LORD God of armies be with you, Just as you have said! Hate evil, love good, and establish justice in the gate! Perhaps the LORD God of armies will be gracious to the remnant of Joseph.” (Amos 4:14-15). God further condemns “moral relativism,” in which each person is encouraged to define morality as they feel appropriate. “You shall not do at all what we are doing here today, everyone doing whatever is right in his own eyes;” (Dt. 12:8). “In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” (Jdgs. 21:25).
Jesus is unlikely to bless relationships when a person seeks worldly wisdom. Those who pursue worldly wisdom have false wisdom. “16 Why is there money in the hand of a fool to buy wisdom, when he has no sense?” (Prov. 17:16). “Wisdom cannot be bought for a price: it can only be assimilated by a wise, or wisdom-loving heart.” (Thomas Thomason Perowne, Cambridge Bible for Schools and Colleges on Prov. 17:16).20
Jesus offers free wisdom to guide your relationships through His Word and prayer. God does not charge money for His wisdom. His wisdom is revealed through Jesus. “in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” (Col. 2:3). Jesus offers His wisdom for free for those who seek it in faith. “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (Jam. 1:5). “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (Prov. 2:6; Job 12:13; Matt. 7:7-8; Is. 55:1-2). But He does not reveal His true wisdom to scoffers. “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Matt. 7:6; Prov. 23:9).
Jesus reveals in His Word that a godly relationship should include selfless love. If you wish to have blessed relationships, love others and support them. “17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Prov. 17:17). “This verse reminds us of Jonathan who was such a wonderful friend to David. ‘A friend loveth at all times.’ Jonathan loved David when he was playing his music in the palace as well as when he was hiding for his life, trying to escape King Saul. Although Jonathan was the son of Saul and heir to the throne, he loved David. It is a wonderful thing to have a friend like that. If someone doesn’t love you at all times, that person is not your friend. It is one of the disappointments of life to have someone profess to love you and be your friend, then when the chips are down, you find that he really does not love you after all. He was a Judas Iscariot or an Absalom, who betrayed you.” (J. Vernon McGee on Prov. 17:17).21
Love others just as Jesus loves you. When you love and support others the same way that Jesus loves you, He will bless your relationships. “Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends.” (Jo. 15:13). “We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers and sisters.” (1 Jo. 3:16). “Beloved, let’s love one another; for love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 Jo. 4:7-8). “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor,” (Ro. 12:10). “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” (Gal. 6:2; 1 Pet. 4:8).
Love and uplift others the same way Jesus loves and uplifts you22
5. Jesus’ Wisdom: Living in Blessed Relationships Should Include Seeking Out and Applying Jesus’ Wisdom. Prov. 17:18-21.
Let your love for others be guided by Jesus’ wisdom. Although Jesus wants you to love others, He does not want you to place yourself in bondage while doing so. “18 A person lacking in sense shakes hands and becomes guarantor in the presence of his neighbor.” (Prov. 17:18). “This proverb is fitly placed after that in Proverbs 17:17, to intimate that although the laws of friendship oblige us to love and help our friends in trouble as far as we are able, yet they do not oblige us to become surety for them rashly, and above what we are able to pay, for by that means we should make ourselves unable to do good, either to them, or to others, or to ourselves.” (Joseph Benson’s Commentary, Prov. 17:18).23
Avoid taking on financial obligations that you cannot afford. Solomon warned about the dangers of becoming a surety or guarantor of another person’s unknown future debts. “1 My son, if you have become a guarantor for your neighbor, or have given a handshake for a stranger, 2 if you have been ensnared by the words of your mouth, or caught by the words of your mouth, 3 then do this, my son, and save yourself: Since you have come into the hand of your neighbor, go, humble yourself, and be urgent with your neighbor to free yourself.” (Prov. 6:1-3). “One who is a guarantor for a stranger will certainly suffer for it, but one who hates being a guarantor is secure.” (Prov. 11:15). “Do not be among those who shake hands, among those who become guarantors for debts. If you have nothing with which to repay, why should he take your bed from under you?” (Prov. 22:26-27). Paul also warned against unknown debts. “Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for the one who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the Law.” (Ro. 13:8).
Jesus came to free you from bondage. Jesus was born as a human to be a kinsman redeemer for us all. It is only through faith in His blood that your debts are forgiven (Heb. 9:22; 10:14; Lev. 17:11). On the first day of His public ministry, He entered the synagogue and read from Isaiah 61:1-2. He then declared that “He has come to proclaim release to the captives . . . to set free those who are oppressed,” Jesus proclaimed: “Today, this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.” (Lk. 4:14-21). But the devil will always try to enslave you. Taking on unknown, future debt obligations is one of many ways for the devil to do that. Jesus wants you to be free from all kinds of bondage. Thus, you should never place yourself in bondage through debts that are beyond what you can afford: “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” (Gal. 5:1). “For you were called to freedom, . . .” (Gal. 5:13). “For you tolerate it if anyone enslaves you, anyone devours you, anyone takes advantage of you, anyone exalts himself, anyone hits you in the face.” (2 Cor. 11:2). “For you have not received a spirit of slavery ...” (Rom. 8:15). “So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.” (Jo. 8:36).
Pride ruins relationships. Persons who exalt themselves reject Jesus’ wisdom and frequently ruin their relationships. “19 One who loves wrongdoing loves strife; one who makes his doorway high seeks destruction.” (Prov. 17:19). “The central themes of Proverbs 17:19 revolve around love for strife and pride. The idea of loving transgression connects to our choices. When we engage in behavior that invites conflict, we often do so in pursuit of self-serving desires, be it attention, power, or validation. Another key phrase is the notion of ‘exalting the gate.’ This imagery may relate to elevating our status or allowing our pride to extend beyond reasonable limits. When we raise our gate, we create barriers that can isolate us from others. We emphasize outward appearances instead of inward character.” (Christianitypath.com on Prov. 17:19).24
Fearing Jesus includes “hating” pride. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of all knowledge (Prov. 1:7; 9:10; Ps. 111:10). The fear of the Lord is defined as “hating” evil, which includes pride: “The fear of the LORD is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverted mouth, I hate.” (Prov. 8:13; Ps. 97:10; Jam. 4:6; 1 Pet. 5;5; Matt. 23:12; Lk. 14:11; 18:14). The unsaved who are filled with pride and boasting will one day face God’s judgment: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling.” (Prov. 16:18). “A man’s pride will bring him low, . . .” (Prov. 29:23). “The boastful will not stand before Your eyes; You hate all who do injustice.” (Ps. 5:5). Satan is the father of pride. His pride also caused his downfall. He desired that others bow before him because of a blessing he did not earn (Is. 14:13-16). When you are prideful, you are also under his influence. Instead, believers should imitate Jesus’ example. He humbled Himself and became a servant so that all might live (Phil. 2:7).
Those who delight in evil things also ruin relationships. Persons who meditate on evil things also reject Jesus’ wisdom and ruin their relationships. “20 One who has a crooked mind finds nothing good, and one who is corrupted in his language falls into evil.” (Prov. 17:20). “He that hath a froward heart findeth no good,.... Who is of a perverse spirit, meditates and devises evil things; is not ingenuous and sincere, but false and deceitful to God and men: such an one gets no good from either; he obtains not the favor of God, nor a good name, credit, and reputation among men; and he that hath a perverse tongue falleth into mischief;” (John Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible, Prov. 17:20).25
Perverse speech may be a sign of a depraved heart. Solomon warned that, “A worthless person, a wicked man, is one who walks with a perverse mouth,” (Prov. 6:12). “A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit.” (Prov. 15:4). “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Prov. 18:21). The psalms also warn of the evils of a perverse tongue. “His mouth is full of cursing, deceit, and oppression; under his tongue is harm and injustice.” (Ps. 10:7; Ro. 3:14). “Your tongue devises destruction, like a sharp razor, you worker of deceit. You love evil more than good, lies more than speaking what is right. Selah You love all words that devour, you deceitful tongue.” (Ps. 52:2-4). Jesus also warned that perverse speech may defile you. “It is not what enters the mouth that defiles the person, but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles the person … But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and those things defile the person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, acts of adultery, other immoral sexual acts, thefts, false testimonies, and slanderous statements.” (Matt. 15:11, 18-19). A believer who fails to guard his or her tongue practices a worthless religion. “If anyone thinks himself to be religious, yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” (Jam. 1:26). A perverse mouth also causes great damage. “So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness; the tongue is set among our body’s parts as that which defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.” (Jam. 3:5-6).
Those who embrace evil things also ruin family relationships. Persons who delight in evil things also reject Jesus’ wisdom and frequently ruin their family relationships. “21 He who fathers a fool does so to his sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy.” (Prov. 17:21). “The words for ‘fool’ in the two clauses are different. Here it is kesil, which implies bold, self-confident folly, the worst form of the vies; in the second hemistich it is nabal, which rather denotes dullness and stupidity, a want of mental power. A conceited, offensive fool causes infinite trouble to his father, both from his need of constant correction, and the watchfulness required to repair the consequences of his foolish actions. There is also the grief at seeing instruction and warning thrown away on a worthless object.” (Pulpit Commentary on Prov. 17:21) (bold in original).26
Foolish children dishonor their parents when they dishonor God. Solomon also warned that “A foolish son is destruction to his father,...” (Prov. 19:13). The High Priest Eli raised sons who embraced evil and contributed to the judgement that God imposed upon his house. First, Eli’s sons claimed to represent God without really knowing Him: “they did not know the Lord. . .” (1 Sam. 2:12; Jer. 9:3). Jesus will reject those who claim to do good works without knowing Him (Matt. 7:23). Second, Eli’s sons stole and misused God’s gifts. They took the sacrificial offerings for themselves (1 Sam. 2:13-14). They further took it in its “raw” form. (1 Sam. 2:15). This suggested that the priests did not take the food because they had gone hungry. Instead, they wanted to take the meat in a form that would be easiest to resell. This would allow them to profit from people’s offerings. These offerings in fact belonged to God (e.g., Lev. 3:3, 14; 7:29). Third, they consumed the fat of the offerings that belonged to God alone (1 Sam. 2:15-16). Finally, Eli’s sons “despised” the offerings to God (1 Sam. 2:17). Because they abused their status as God’s representatives, God judged the entire house of Eli: “For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them.” (1 Sam. 3:13). If Jesus is your Lord and Savior, you are also His ambassador (2 Cor. 5:20). You are also a member of His holy priesthood (1 Pet. 2:5, 9). Thus, you must not misrepresent Him.
God intended for the family to teach new generations of believers to walk in faith. A child’s obedience to godly family instruction is so important to God that it is the first of His Ten Commandments that relate to how humans interact with each other. “Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be prolonged on the land which the LORD your God gives you.” (Ex. 20:12). “Honor your father and your mother, just as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well for you on the land which the LORD your God is giving you.” (Dt. 5:16). “Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, ...” (Lev. 19:3a). This wisdom principle is also repeated throughout the New Testament as well. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord.” (Col. 3:20). “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may turn out well for you, and that you may live long on the earth.” (Eph. 6:1-3; Matt. 15:4; 19:19; Mk. 7:10; 10:19; Lk. 18:20).
6. Contentment through Jesus: Living in Blessed Relationships Should Include Finding Contentment Through Jesus. Prov. 17:22-25.
Joy and contentment in Jesus can bless relationships. Within the context of relationships, Solomon declared that godly joy and contentment can bring healing to the brokenhearted. “22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” (Prov. 17:22). “This proverb, paired with v. 21, elaborates on the negative psychosomatic effects of v. 21. Interpreted on its own, the proverb admonishes youth to live in such a way that they experience vivifying joy instead of mortifying depression … Depression can be avoided through the fear of I AM (3:7-8), wisdom (15:24), hope (13:12), and good news (12:25; 15:30).” (Bruce Waltke and Ivan De Silva on Proverbs Prov. 17:22).27
Let your Spirit-led joy and contentment bless the brokenhearted around you28
Let the joy and contentment that Jesus offers bring healing to your relationships. While the joy of a worldly person is conditional to their circumstances, a believer who has his or her heart set on Jesus and the Holy Spirit finds true joy during even a difficult trial. “13 A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.” (Prov. 15:13). Worship, prayer, and faith empower believers to find joy and contentment during even the most difficult trials. “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! …I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philip. 4:4, 13). “Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray. Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises.” (Jam. 5:13). Jesus also promises to comfort the brokenhearted when they turn to Him and give Him their burdens. “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Ps. 34:18; Matt. 5:4; 2 Cor. 1:3-5; Rev. 21:4).
When you lack contentment in Jesus, you may engage in destructive behaviors. Those who fail to find contentment through Jesus are more likely to engage in ethical shortcuts (bribery being an extreme example) that damage relationships. “23 A wicked person accepts a bribe from an inside pocket to pervert the ways of justice.” (Prov. 17:23). “A wicked man is not above taking a bribe even if it means distorting justice. Taking a bribe is a sin against God and your fellow man.” (Ronald Young on Prov. 17:23).29
As Jesus’ ambassador, walk with righteousness and integrity. Because bribes ruin relationships, this subject is repeated in this chapter for emphasis (Prov. 17:8). Jesus will judge those who might seek or accept bribes or distort His justice (Ex. 23:8; Dt. 16:19; 2 Chr. 19:7). You are also Jesus’ ambassador (2 Cor. 5:22). You further represent His light (Matt. 5:14). Thus, He calls upon you to be blameless and righteous: “One who walks righteously and speaks with integrity, one who rejects unjust gain and shakes his hands so that they hold no bribe; one who stops his ears from hearing about bloodshed and shuts his eyes from looking at evil; He will dwell on the heights, His refuge will be the impregnable rock; His bread will be given him, His water will be sure.” (Is. 33:15-16). “so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” (Phil. 1:11).
Jesus’ wisdom offers the truth path to contentment and protection from covetousness. To live a righteous life with blessed relationships, you must keep your eyes rooted firmly in Jesus and His narrow path. “24 Wisdom is in the presence of one who has understanding, but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.” (Prov. 17:24). “The prudent man keeps the word of God continually in view. But the foolish man cannot fix his thoughts, nor pursue any purpose with steadiness.” (Matthew Henry on Prov. 17:24).30
Worldly wisdom offers a false path to contentment and blessed relationships. The wisdom that Jesus offers will sadly be viewed as foolishness to many. “A scoffer seeks wisdom and finds none, but knowledge is easy for one who has understanding.” (Prov. 14:6). “Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.” (Prov. 4:25). “The wise person’s eyes are in his head, but the fool walks in darkness. And yet I know that one and the same fate happens to both of them.” (Ecc. 2:14). “The mind of the intelligent seeks knowledge, but the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness.” (Prov. 15:14). “But a natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.” (1 Cor. 2:14). To maintain blessed relationships and to stay on Jesus’ path, you must keep your eyes fixed on Him. “looking only at Jesus, the originator and perfecter of the faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Heb. 12:2).
Those who turn to the world for contentment frequently bring grief to their parents. Because the family is such an important relationship to God, Solomon again warned how those who engage in self-destructive worldly behaviors to find contentment frequently grieve their loving parents. “25 A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her who gave birth to him.” (Prov. 17:25). “This he said before, Proverbs 15:20, and elsewhere; but he here repeats it as a point of great moment and constant use, and as a powerful motive to oblige both children to carry themselves wisely and dutifully to their parents, as they would not be thought to be unnatural or inhuman, and parents to educate their children prudently and religiously, at least for their own comfort, if not for the public good.” (Matthew Poole’s Commentary on Prov. 17:25).31
Wise children honor their parents when they serve God. Solomon began his proverbs with a call for children to heed the God-given wisdom taught through their parents. “1 The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish son is a grief to his mother.” (Prov. 10:1). Solomon’s first proverb is so foundational to wise living and having blessed relationships that it is repeated in Proverbs 15:20 and above in Proverbs 17:25. “A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish man despises his mother.” (Prov. 15:20). The book also concludes: “The eye that mocks a father and scorns a mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it.” (Prov. 30:17).
7. Restraint: Living in Blessed Relationships Should Include Restraining Your Tongue and Your Flesh. Prov. 17:26-28.
Protect your relationships by restraining your flesh from engaging in evil. Those who fail to restrain their flesh and punish good people will inevitably damage their relationships. “26 It is also not good to fine the righteous, nor to strike the noble for their uprightness.” (Prov. 17:26). “God’s moral order insists that the righteous be rewarded and the wicked be punished. To upset this or reverse it is not good … If a leader is upright, he should never be punished – especially by striking. Uprightness should be rewarded and honored, not punished.” (David Guzik on Prov. 17) (bold in original).32
Be forgiving when others fail to restrain themselves. The Romans and the Jews both violated God’s law when they crucified Jesus. “Now when Pilate saw that he was accomplishing nothing, but rather that a riot was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd, saying, ‘I am innocent of this Man’s blood; you yourselves shall see.’ And all the people replied, “His blood shall be on us and on our children!” (Matt. 27:24-25). “this Man, delivered over by the predetermined plan and foreknowledge of God, you nailed to a cross by the hands of godless men and put Him to death.” (Acts 2:23). The Jews also violated God’s law by persecuting all His prophets. “Which one of the prophets did your fathers not persecute? They killed those who had previously announced the coming of the Righteous One, and you have now become betrayers and murderers of Him;” (Acts 7:52). Jesus forgave His persecutors (Lk. 23:34). To have blessed relationships, you must also forgive others (Matt. 6:14-15).
Forgive those who wrongfully hurt you just as Jesus forgave His persecutors33
Protect your relationships by restraining your mouth. Because impulsive words can also damage relationships, believers must also restrain their tongues. “27 One who withholds his words has knowledge, and one who has a cool spirit is a person of understanding.” (Prov. 17:27). “Once again, Scripture applauds the person who knows how to control his tongue. This is a two-part message that implies more than just someone who literally ‘keeps his mouth shut.’ Rather, this is a person who chooses not to speak words without carefully considering them (Proverbs 15:2; 16:23–24). A ‘cool spirit’ is the opposite of being hot-tempered (Proverbs 15:18; Titus 1:7). Such a person knows when to mind their speech and when to speak their mind (Proverbs 15:23). It has been observed that God has given each of us two ears but only one mouth. Therefore, as the saying goes, we should do twice as much listening as talking.” (BibleRef.com on Prov. 17:27).34
Guard your mouth from evil. Because our hearts are sinful, Solomon repeatedly warned that an unguarded mouth can bring ruin to a person’s relationships. “One who guards his mouth protects his life; one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.” (Prov. 13:3). “When there are many words, wrongdoing is unavoidable, but one who restrains his lips is wise.” (Prov. 10:19). Thus, you should control your anger before you speak. “Do not be eager in your spirit to be angry, for anger resides in the heart of fools.” (Ecc. 7:9). “You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger;” (Jam. 1:19). Jesus will bless those who instead use their tongues to bring peace and reconciliation to a conflict. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” (Matt. 5:9; Jam. 3:18; 2 Cor. 5:18).
Silence is better than an unguarded mouth. To protect your relationships, be silent when you don’t have an uplifting word from God to offer someone during their time of need. “28 Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is considered prudent.” (Prov. 17:28). “Proverbs 17:28 offers profound wisdom that is relevant in all eras. It promotes a culture of thoughtful communication and mutual respect by encouraging us to be mindful of our speech. Let us remember the power of silence and strive to embody the wisdom it signifies as we navigate our daily interactions.” (Reverand Michael Johnson GodsBless.ing on Prov. 17:28).35
Pray before you speak and guard your mouth from offering hurtful words36
Misguided advice can also harm your relationships. After being falsely accused of sins that he did not commit, Job rebuked his misguided friends. “Oh that you would be completely silent, and that it would become your wisdom!” (Job 13:5). “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.” (Prov. 15:28). “One who gives an answer before he hears, it is foolishness and shame to him.” (Prov. 18:13). “Do you see a person who is hasty with his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him. A fool always loses his temper, but a wise person holds it back.” (Prov. 29:20-21). There is “a time to be silent and a time to speak.” (Ecc. 3:7). “If anyone thinks himself to be religious, yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” (Jam. 1:26). Thus, you should pray before you offer advice to someone who is hurting.
Proverbs 17:1 Meaning and Commentary - Explaining the Bible↩︎
Image credit: Metal Poster Proverbs 17 1↩︎
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Proverbs 17:7 Meaning & Explanation (with Related Verses) - Christianity Path↩︎
Image credit: proverbs 10:12 Archives - I Live For JESUS !↩︎
B. Waltke and I. De Silva, Proverbs, A Shorter Commentary, (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2021), p. 270 (italics in original).↩︎
Image credit: Proverbs 17 12 Bible Verse Wall Art Digital Art by Bible Verse - Fine Art America↩︎
R. Young, Proverbs, A Commentary on the Book of Proverbs (SureWord Publications, Baltimore, MD, 2005), p. 237-38.↩︎
J. Vernon McGee, Thru the Bible, Commentary Series, Proverbs (Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville TN 1991), pgs. 153-54 (italics in original).↩︎
Image credit: The Meaning of Proverbs 17:17—A Friend Loves at All Times↩︎
Proverbs 17:19 Meaning & Explanation (with Related Verses) - Christianity Path↩︎
B. Waltke and I. De Silva, Proverbs, A Shorter Commentary, (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2021), p. 273 (italics in original).↩︎
Image credit: Proverbs 17:22 - Bible verse - DailyVerses.net↩︎
R. Young, Proverbs, A Commentary on the Book of Proverbs (SureWord Publications, Baltimore, MD, 2005), p. 237-38.↩︎
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