Proverbs 18: Lessons for Maintaining Godly Relationships
Introduction: Proverbs play a vital role in helping God’s people to maintain godly relationships. Here, Solomon offered 24 proverbs that can help believers to maintain godly relationships. These include: (1) seeking out a church community, (2) being Spirit-led, (3) trusting God, (4) seeking God’s wisdom, (5) living out God’s righteousness, (6) holy speech, and (7) selfless love.
First, in verses one through three, Solomon warned against self-reliance and relying upon your own understanding. God also wants you to actively seek out a church community and avoid isolation. Second, in verses four through nine, Solomon urged believers to speak words of godly wisdom and avoid destructive words of the flesh. God also wants you to let the Holy Spirit guide your words and interactions with others. Third, in verses four through nine, Solomon stressed the importance of placing your trust in God as opposed to strong people or yourself. Placing your trust in people or yourself will only draw you away from God. Fourth, in verses 10 through 12, Solomon urged believers to restrain their flesh and seek out God’s wisdom in their relationships. To maintain godly relationships, God also wants you to restrain your flesh and seek out His wisdom in your interactions with others. Fifth, in verses 13 through 15, Solomon admonished believers regarding the importance of following God’s standards of righteousness in relationships. To maintain godly relationships, God also wants you to follow His standard of righteousness in your interactions with others. Sixth, in verses 16 through 19, Solomon stressed the importance of God-fearing speech for maintaining relationships. To maintain godly relationships, God also wants your speech to be holy, gracious, and filled with joyful hope in Jesus. Finally, in verses 20 through 24, Solomon gave examples of how a successful relationship should be built upon selfless love. To maintain godly relationships, God also wants you to both seek out companions who demonstrate a selfless love and show Jesus’ selfless love to others.
1. Seeking Church Community: To Maintain Godly Relationships, Actively Seek Out a Church Community and Avoid Isolation. Prov. 18:1-3.
A person who seeks out long-term isolation can cause great harm to relationships. Solomon began by urging believers to find God’s wisdom and to stay on His narrow path through fellowship and accountability with a community of believers. “1 One who separates himself seeks his own desire; he quarrels against all sound wisdom.” (Prov. 18:1). “This verse from Proverbs captures the essence of human relationships and wisdom. It starts by revealing a fundamental truth about our nature. We often find ourselves isolated, pursuing our desires alone. It surfaces the concept that when we separate ourselves from others, we not only seek our own wishes but tend to dismiss the collective wisdom that comes from community and shared experiences. God designed us for connection. Each of us possesses unique perspectives and insights that we can share with one another. When we engage with others, we enrich our understanding of the world around us. This verse warns us about the risks of being alone and fixated solely on our desires. Our isolation can lead us to become blind to wise counsel, making rash decisions based on misguided intentions. We may end up making choices that not only affect us but also those around us. When we reject input from wise individuals, we may find ourselves caught in a cycle of poor judgments.” (Christianitypath.com on Prov. 18:1).1
Being in a godly community requires placing the needs of others above your own. To be accountable and teachable, believers should submit their own desires to the needs of their church. Believers are strengthened through community just as “iron sharpens iron.” (Prov. 27:17). “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Phil. 2:3-4). “No one is to seek his own advantage, but rather that of his neighbor.” (1 Cor. 10:24). “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor,” (Ro. 12:10). It is also a sign of the end times when “people will be lovers of self …” (2 Tim. 3:2).
Maintain godly relationships to protect yourself from sin and sorrow2
Being in a godly community can guard you from relying upon your own understanding. Those who fail to make themselves accountable to a church community run the risk of being led astray by their own desires. “2 A fool does not delight in understanding, but in revealing his own mind.” (Prov. 18:2). “This may mean that he takes no pleasure in the wisdom of others, is self-opinionated; or, it may be, does not care for understanding in itself, apart from the use which he can make of it.” (Pulpit Commentary on Prov. 18:2).3
A wise person seeks out and submits to godly counsel in a church community. Solomon warned that, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a person who listens to advice is wise.” (Prov. 12:15). “There is a way which seems right to a person, but its end is the way of death.” (Prov. 14:12). “There is a way which seems right to a person, but its end is the way of death.” (Prov. 16:25). “One who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but one who walks wisely will flee to safety.” (Prov. 28:26). The many dangers of isolation and the absence of accountability include being deceived by the world. “But a natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.” (1 Cor. 2:14). “Take care that no one deceives himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, he must become foolish, so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in the sight of God…;” (1 Cor. 3:18-19a).
Without accountability, a person can embrace wickedness and encounter rejection. When a person is unrestrained and embraces their own evil instincts, their community will frequently reject them, and the person will encounter even greater isolation. “3 When a wicked person comes, contempt also comes, and with dishonor comes taunting.” (Prov. 18:3). “Here, the consequences of wickedness are highlighted. The path of wickedness leads to contempt, dishonor, and disgrace. This verse serves as a warning against the destructive nature of sin and the importance of living with integrity and righteousness. Proverbs is replete with teachings on the consequences of wicked actions and the rewards of righteousness.” (Reverend Michael Johnson, GodsBless.ing on Prov. 18:3).4
God will ultimately expose unrepentant wickedness. Even when you isolate yourself and believe that you can sin in secret, God will ultimately reveal the concealed evil. “One who walks in integrity walks securely, but one who perverts his ways will be found out.” (Prov. 10:9) “For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.” (Ecc. 12:14). “So do not fear them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.” (Matt. 10:26).
2. Being Spirit-Led: To Maintain Godly Relationships, Let the Holy Spirit Guide Your Words and Interactions with Others. Prov. 18:4-9.
God desires for believers to pour out His wisdom on others. When you are in a proper church community and you are rooted in the Word and prayer, God can use you to bless others who are in need with Spirit-led words of wisdom. “4 The words of a person’s mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.” (Prov. 18:4). “Every true believer in the Lord Jesus Christ is indwelt by the Holy Spirit. The Lord Jesus stood in the temple when the water was poured out at the time of the Feast of Tabernacles and said, ‘…If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly [inmost being] shall flow rivers of living water’ (John 7:37-38). Then John interprets this for us, ‘(But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believe on him should receive: for the Holy Ghost was not yet given; because that Jesus was not yet glorified.)’ (John 7:39). The child of God should learn to speak in the power of the Holy Spirit. This is so important presenting the Word of God and talking about the things of God.” (J. Vernon McGee on Prov. 18:4).5
Speak Spirit-led words of life, healing, and hope to those around you6
Be a source of God’s wisdom within a community of believers. If you invest in the Word to learn God’s wisdom and pray for discernment, God can use you to speak words of life into the lost or those in need. “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.” (Prov. 10:11). “The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, to turn aside from the snares of death.” (Prov. 13:14). “A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit.” (Prov. 15:4). “Does a spring send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water? Can a fig tree, my brothers and sisters, bear olives, or a vine bear figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh. Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.” (Jam. 3:11-13). “Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” (Eph. 4:29).
Be unbiased when you serve in your community. When God appoints for you a circle of influence or responsibility, He does not want you to show favoritism to wicked people. “5 To show partiality to the wicked is not good, nor to suppress the righteous in judgment.” (Prov. 18:5). “This justly condemns those who, being employed in the administration of justice, pervert judgment, 1. By conniving at men’s crimes, and protecting and countenancing them in oppression and violence, because of their dignity, or wealth, or some personal kindness they have for them. Whatever excuses men may make for it, certainly it is not good thus to accept the person of the wicked; it is an offence to God, an affront to justice, a wrong to mankind, and a real service done to the kingdom of sin and Satan. The merits of the cause must be regarded, not the person. 2. By giving a cause against justice and equity, because the person is poor and low in the world, or not of the same party or persuasion, or a stranger of another country. This is overthrowing the righteous in judgment, who ought to be supported, and whom God will make to stand.” (Matthew Henry on Prov. 18:5) (italics in original).7
God wants you to be impartial. God also wants you to avoid other forms of favoritism. “These also are sayings of the wise: to show partiality in judgment is not good.” (Prov. 24:23). “You shall not do injustice in judgment; you shall not show partiality to the poor nor give preference to the great, but you are to judge your neighbor fairly.” (Lev. 19:15). “You are not to show partiality in judgment; you shall hear the small and the great alike. You are not to be afraid of any person, for the judgment is God’s. The case that is too difficult for you, you shall bring to me, and I will hear it.” (Deut. 1:17). “You shall not distort justice, you shall not show partiality; and you shall not accept a bribe, because a bribe blinds the eyes of the wise and distorts the words of the righteous.” (Deut. 16:19). “My brothers and sisters, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism.” (Jam. 2:1). “I solemnly exhort you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of His chosen angels, to maintain these principles without bias, doing nothing in a spirit of partiality.” (1 Tim. 5:21).
Being Spirit-led includes avoiding evil speech. Those who fail to restrain their tongues can cause great harm to their relationships. “6 A fool’s lips bring strife, and his mouth invites beatings.” (Prov. 18:6). “Proverbs 18:6 serves as a powerful reminder of the weight of our words and the folly of foolish speech. By embracing wisdom and expressing our thoughts with care, we can avoid the pitfalls of contention and strife. As followers of Christ, our words should reflect the love and grace we’ve received from Him. Let us strive to speak in ways that unite and encourage, thinking carefully before entering into potentially destructive arguments. Engaging in thoughtful conversations will help us create an atmosphere of peace, where wisdom reigns, and loving communication flourishes.” (Jamie Wilson, ExplainingtheBible.com on Prov. 18:6).8
Those who speak unrepentant evil face discipline or judgment. The enticement of speaking evil words like gossip can become an addictive snare. “An evil person is ensnared by the offense of his lips, but the righteous will escape from trouble.” (Prov. 12:13). Failing to repent of this sin can bring God’s discipline or judgment. “And the tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness; the tongue is set among our body’s parts as that which defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.” (Jam. 3:6). “But I tell you that for every careless word that people speak, they will give an account of it on the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matt. 12:36-37).
Those who harm others with an unguarded tongue ultimately harm themselves. Believers were made to be in a community. They ultimately harm their reputations when they slander or gossip about others within their community. “7 A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips are the snare of his soul.” (Prov. 18:7). “The lips of the fool go about the job of destroying everything that is good. While he is tearing down others, his own soul is snared by his wickedness; he has no rest.” (Ronald Young on Prov. 18:7).9
Wise believers guard their tongues to avoid harming others. God wants you to let the Holy Spirit restrain your tongue from defiling yourself and harming others. “Wise people store up knowledge, but with the mouth of the foolish, ruin is at hand.” (Prov. 10:14). “There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Prov. 12:18). “One who guards his mouth protects his life; one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.” (Prov. 13:3). “A worthless person digs up evil, while his words are like scorching fire.” (Prov. 16:27). “It is not what enters the mouth that defiles the person, but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles the person.” (Matt. 15:11). “So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!” (Jam. 3:5).
Gossip brings momentary pleasure but ultimately causes great harm to relationships. If you let the Spirit lead you, you will avoid the temptation of gossip. “8 The words of a gossiper are like dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the body.” (Prov. 18:8). “Gossip is a persistent temptation, in every era, and for almost every person (Proverbs 11:13; 16:28). Even when someone’s not excessively prone to gossiping, rumors and scandals still need to be approached with caution. Solomon’s wisdom here gives one reason: they are entertaining and pleasing to our fallen nature, as is a tasty bite of food to our tongue. But, like food, that ‘morsel’ goes deep inside us. The spiritual effect of taking in slander or secrets is much more serious than it might seem, at first (Romans 1:29; 2 Timothy 3:2–4). Scripture routinely condemns the ‘whispering’ that is associated with spreading rumors, stories, and gossip.” (BibleRef.com on Prov. 18:8).10
Because gossip is highly destructive to relationships, it is condemned through the Bible. Solomon’s warning against gossip is so important that he would later repeat it for emphasis. “The words of a gossiper are like dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the body.” (Prov. 26:22). Gossip divides friends. “A perverse person spreads strife, and a slanderer separates close friends.” (Prov. 16:28). Thus, believers are warned to not associate with gossipers. “One who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a gossip.” (Prov. 20:19). “Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy; I will not endure one who has a haughty look and an arrogant heart.” (Ps. 101:5). Gossip is also strongly condemned in the New Testament. “At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also they become gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention.” (1 Tim. 5:13; Ro. 16:17-18; 2 Thess. 3:11).
Avoid those who gossip and avoid the temptation to spread it11
The sin of gossip is as harmful as slothfulness. Laziness causes resentment and harm to relationships. The same is true for gossipers. “9 He also who is lax in his work is a brother to him who destroys.” (Prov. 18:9). “If ever the passive slacker destroys others, how much more the active gossip. What the two inferior types have in common is that both plunder their victims in a way that is easily overlooked. Verset A presents the topic, the person who is slack in their work (an idle procrastinator); and verset B presents the consequences by the metaphor s a brother (a relative, cf. ‘partner / companion of’ in 28:24) of one who destroys. When people do not perform their responsibilities, their charges, such as fields and animals, come to ruin just as much as when plunderers strip their victims of their possessions (24:34). So also gossips, however easily overlooked, plunder their victims.” (Bruce Waltke and Ivan De Silva on Proverbs 18:9).12
Jesus will judge those who fail to use their talents for the good of the community. Solomon repeatedly urged believers to be diligent workers and avoid the sin of slothfulness (Prov. 6:6-11; 10:4-5; 12:24; 13:4; 16:26; 19:15; 20:4; 21:25; Ecc. 10:18). Jesus also warns against failing to use your spiritual gifts for His Kingdom. “But his master answered and said to him, ‘You worthless, lazy slave! Did you know that I reap where I did not sow, and gather where I did not scatter seed?’... For to everyone who has, more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away. And throw the worthless slave into the outer darkness; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” (Matt. 25:26, 29-30; 2 Thess. 3:10-12). Jesus will also condemn gossip because of the harm it causes.
3. Trusting God: To Maintain Godly Relationships, Place Your Trust in God and Not in Strong People, Human Institutions, or Yourself. Prov. 18:10-12.
Believers must turn to God and not their relationships for safety and deliverance. Even though believers should be rooted in godly relationships, believers must look to God alone and not their relationship for security. “10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous runs into it and is safe.” (Prov. 18:10). “There is only one thing that will keep us peaceful and unharmed, and that is to trust our poor shelterless lives and sinful souls to the Savior who has died for us. In Him we find the hiding-place, in which secure, as beneath the shadow of a great rock, dreaded evils will pass us by, as impotent to hurt as savages before a castle fortified by modern skill … The bony fingers of the skeleton Death, who drags men from all other homes, will not dislodge us from our fortress-dwelling. Hid in Him we shall neither fear going down to the grave, nor coming up from it, nor judgment, nor eternity. Then, I beseech you, make no delay. Escape! flee for your life! A growing host of evil marches swift against you. Take Christ for your defense and cry to Him,” (Alexander Maclaren’s Expositions of Holy Scripture, Prov. 18:10).13
Turn to God alone and not strong people or yourself in your times of need14
God will provide security and refuge for those who place their full trust in Him. David used similar words to describe his trust in Yahweh. “For You have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy.” (Ps. 61:3). “The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my savior, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” (Ps. 18:2). “My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; my savior, You save me from violence.” (2 Sam. 22:3). “My faithfulness and my fortress, my stronghold and my savior, my shield and He in whom I take refuge, who subdues my people under me.” (Ps. 144:2). “The LORD will also be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble; and those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, LORD, have not abandoned those who seek You.” (Ps. 9:9). Another unknown psalmist also used similar words to declare his trust in Yahweh. “I will say to the LORD, ‘My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!”’ (Ps. 91:2).
Don’t trust in your wealth. Those who trust in their wealth instead of God are also fools. “11 A rich person’s wealth is his strong city, and like a high wall in his own imagination.” (Prov. 18:11). “What the name of the Lord is to the righteous Proverbs 18:10, that wealth is to the rich. He flees to it for refuge as to a strong city; but it is so only ‘in his own conceit’ or imagination.” (Albert Barnes’ Notes on the Bible, Prov. 18:11).15
Those who trust in their wealth also face discipline or judgment. Because trusting in wealth is such a terrible sin, this warning is repeated throughout the Bible. “One who trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will flourish like the green leaf.” (Prov. 11:28). “And Jesus, looking around, said to His disciples, ‘How hard it will be for those who are wealthy to enter the kingdom of God!’ And the disciples were amazed at His words. But Jesus responded again and said to them, ‘Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God!’ It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” (Mk. 10:23-25). “Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to set their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy.” (1 Tim. 6:17). “Because you say, “I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have no need of anything,” and you do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked,” (Rev. 3:17).
Those who trust in themselves suffer from the sin of pride. In addition to condemning those who rely upon strong people or wealth over God, God will condemn those who trust in themselves as prideful. “12 Before destruction the heart of a person is haughty, but humility goes before honor.” (Prov. 18:12). “Rich men are apt to be high-minded, and therefore are to be charged and cautioned against it; they are apt to look above their poor neighbors, and with contempt upon them; and very often this haughtiness of theirs is a presage of their ruin and destruction:” (John Gill on Prov. 18:12).16
God will humble the prideful. Pride is one of the things that God “hates” (Prov. 6:16-17). Thus, God frequently condemns pride. “When pride comes, then comes dishonor; but with the humble there is wisdom.” (Prov. 11:2). “Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished …Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling.” (Prov. 16:5,18). “Before destruction the heart of a person is haughty, but humility goes before honor.” (Prov. 18:12). “For the LORD is exalted, yet He looks after the lowly, but He knows the haughty from afar.” (Ps. 138:6). God will judge those who exalt themselves. “Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled, and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.” (Matt. 23:12; Lk. 14:11). “But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, ‘God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’ … Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.” (Jam. 4:6, 10). If you depend upon your intellect, your experiences, or your own wisdom to get through a difficult situation, you suffer from the sin of pride.
4. God’s Wisdom: To Maintain Godly Relationships, Restrain Your Flesh and Seek Out God’s Wisdom to Guide Your Interactions with Others. Prov. 18:13-15.
Those who fail to turn to God’s wisdom frequently cause harm to relationships. Those who speak impulsively rely upon their own instincts instead of God’s wisdom. Relying upon your own instincts can frequently harm your relationships, “13 One who gives an answer before he hears, it is foolishness and shame to him.” (Prov. 18:13). “Proverbs 18:13 encourages a shift in our communication habits. Instead of focusing on our own immediate response, it emphasizes the value of patience and attentive listening. By taking the time to hear the entire message, we gain a deeper understanding of the situation and are better equipped to respond in a thoughtful and constructive manner. This practice of active listening not only improves our communication skills but also strengthens our relationships, fosters understanding, and prevents unnecessary conflict. By embracing the wisdom of Proverbs 18:13, we can transform our interactions into opportunities for connection, growth, and mutual respect.” (VocesdelDesieroto.com on Prov. 18:13).17
Pray for God’s wisdom before you respond. You show your wisdom when you restrain your tongue and pray for God to guide your words in important matters. “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.” (Prov. 15:28). “One who withholds his words has knowledge, and one who has a cool spirit is a person of understanding. Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is considered prudent.” (Prov. 17:27-28). “Do you see a person who is hasty with his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (Prov. 29:20). “Do not be quick with your mouth or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and you are on the earth; therefore let your words be few.” (Ecc. 5:2). “You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger;” (Jam. 1:19).
God’s wisdom can help to heal the brokenhearted around you. God frequently places believers into relationships so that they can encourage those in need. “14 The spirit of a person can endure his sickness, but as for a broken spirit, who can endure it?” (Prov. 18:14). “Trials flare up unexpectedly and test one's faith. This proverb points out the absolute priority of attitude, not circumstances, in determining a person's response to such difficulties. Hard times, disaster, setbacks, insults, illness, tragedy, and persecution can be endured through a positive attitude and a strong faith. That doesn't mean pretending to be happy, nor does it mean assuming things will improve simply because one is optimistic. Yet trust in Christ despite struggles makes such experiences easier to bear. Negative attitudes, weak or absent faith, or pessimism can cause someone to buckle under relatively lesser stress.” (BibleRef.com on Prov. 18:14) (italics in original).18
Encourage others in your community to turn to God for comfort. When God places you in a relationship where the person is brokenhearted, you can encourage the person to turn to God for healing and peace. “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Ps. 34:18). “For this is what the high and exalted One who lives forever, whose name is Holy, says: ‘I dwell in a high and holy place, and also with the contrite and lowly of spirit in order to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.”’ (Is. 57:15). “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Ps. 147:3). “Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer person is decaying, yet our inner person is being renewed day by day.” (2 Cor. 4:16). “The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD anointed me to bring good news to the humble; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim release to captives and freedom to prisoners;” (Is. 61:6;Lk. 4:18-19). ‘“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”’ (Matt. 11:28-29).
Actively seek out God’s wisdom to help His people in need. God wants you to regularly read the Word and pray so that God can use you to share His wisdom with others. “15 The mind of the discerning acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.” (Prov. 18:15). “The first clause is similar to Proverbs 15:14; the second gives a kind of explanation of the former - the understanding of the wise man is always expanding and increasing its stores, because his ear is open to instruction, and his ability grows by wholesome exercise (comp. Proverbs 1:5).” (Pulpit Commentary on Prov. 18:15).19
Your walk with Jesus should include a life-long search for deeper knowledge of Him. Believers are encouraged to grow in their knowledge of God. “The mind of the intelligent seeks knowledge, but the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness.” (Prov. 15:14). “Give instruction to a wise person and he will become still wiser; teach a righteous person and he will increase his insight.” (Prov. 9:9). “A wise person will hear and increase in learning, and a person of understanding will acquire wise counsel,” (Prov. 1:5; 8:17). “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (Jam. 1:5; Matt. 7:7-8). When God reveals His wisdom, share it with the community where God has placed you.
Seek to continually grow in God’s wisdom to help maintain your relationships20
5. God’s Righteousness: To Maintain Godly Relationships, Follow God’s Standard of Righteousness in Your Interactions with Others. Prov. 18:16-19.
Following God’s righteousness in your relationships includes showing kindness. When you show kindness to others, including but not limited to gifts, you can help to resolve conflicts in your relationships. 16 A person’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great people.” (Prov. 18:16). “The first key element in this verse is ‘A man’s gift.’ Here, ‘gift’ signifies more than just physical items; it can refer to talents, skills, and acts of kindness. This underscores how important it is to recognize what we have that can make a positive impact on those around us. The second part, ‘makes room for him,’ signifies that these gifts can create opportunities where there previously were none. It implies that when we extend our gifts selflessly, they open doors to new connections, experiences, and even advancements in our personal and professional lives. Lastly, ‘and brings him before great men’ emphasizes that our gifts have the power to elevate us to positions of honor or recognition. It indicates that gifting can lead us to meet people who can inspire us, mentor us, or provide us with opportunities we might not have encountered otherwise.” (Jamie Wilson, ExplainingtheBible.com on Prov. 18:16).21
Kindness and gifts helped to resolve many relationship conflicts in the Bible. Giving gifts was frequently done to bring reconciliation. For example, Jacob sought to appease Esau’s anger at him with gifts (Gen. 32:20). Likewise, Abigail also brought gifts to appease David’s anger against Nabal (1 Sam. 25:27). Gifts were also given to show respect. For example, the Queen of Sheba also brought Solomon gifts to show him respect (1 Kgs. 10:1-2). The wise men brought gifts to Jesus at the time of His birth to honor Him (Matt. 2:11). A sinful woman also anointed Jesus’ feet with perfume to honor Him (Lk. 7:37-38). When you give to those in need with the right motives, your gifts will also be remembered and celebrated in heaven. “And he looked at him intently and became terrified, and said, ‘What is it, lord?’ And he said to him, ‘Your prayers and charitable gifts have ascended as a memorial offering before God.’ (Acts 10:4).
God’s righteousness includes careful deliberation when helping to resolve disputes. Sometimes, God will place you in a place of influence when others encounter relationship conflicts around you. When that happens, God wants you to carefully consider both sides before offering your judgment. “17 The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him.” (Prov. 18:17). “This is a strong and familiar principle. When we hear the first side of a dispute or a debate, we often think the first one to plead his cause seems right, and we are quick to take their side against the other. Until his neighbor comes and examines him: The judgment is very different when the other side is heard from his neighbor. The second voice may confront the first one to plead his cause and give both sides of the story … it is important that we argue for and defend Biblical truth in a way that can stand before the examination of others. Giving arguments that sound convincing but can be easily exposed or answered by an adversary do no good in defending and advancing God’s kingdom.” (David Guzik on Prov. 18:17).22
God’s divine will is confirmed with two or more corroborating facts or witnesses. To ensure the truth, God’s law required two or more witnesses to confirm a disputed matter. “A single witness shall not rise up against a person regarding any wrongdoing or any sin that he commits; on the testimony of two or three witnesses a matter shall be confirmed.” (Dt. 19:15; Nu. 35:30). This principle of divine justice is repeated in the New Testament (Matt. 18:16; Jo. 8:17; 1 Tim. 5:19; Heb. 10:28). A related Biblical principle for believers is to test everything to distinguish truth from lies. “but examine everything; hold firmly to that which is good,” (1 Thess. 5:21). “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” (1 Jo. 4:1). “Now these people were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so.” (Acts 17:11).
When two or more witnesses do not exist, turn directly to God for guidance. In circumstances where two or more witnesses did not exist, Old Testament believers turned to God for direct guidance through prayer and the use of lots that gave binary answers. “18 The cast lot puts an end to quarrels, and decides between the mighty ones.” (Prov. 18:18). “If this verse is taken in connection with the preceding, it refers to the decision in doubtful cases, where the evidence is conflicting and ordinary investigation fails to elicit the truth satisfactorily. The lot, being considered to show the judgment of God, settled the question. And parteth between the mighty. If it were not for the decision by lot, persons of eminence and power would settle their differences by violent means. This peaceful solution obviates all such contentions.” (Pulpit Commentary on Prov. 18:18).23
When helping to resolve relationship disputes, let God guide the search for truth. The principle behind Proverbs 18:18 was for believers to turn to God to guide important decisions. “The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD.” (Prov. 16:33). In Old Testament times, the Jews frequently used lots with prayer to allow God to guide their decisions (e.g., Nu. 26:55-56; Josh. 18:6-10; 1 Sam. 14:41-42; Jonah 1:7). In the New Testament, the disciples used prayer and lots to select a disciple to replace Judas. “And they prayed and said, “You, Lord, who know the hearts of all people, show which one of these two You have chosen to occupy this ministry and apostleship from which Judas turned aside to go to his own place. And they drew lots for them, and the lot fell to Matthias; and he was added to the eleven apostles.”’ (Acts 1:24-25).
Turn to God’s standard of mercy to resolve difficult family disputes. One of the most challenging relationship disputes to resolve are frequently between family members. “19 A brother who is offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and quarrels are like the bars of a citadel.” (Prov. 18:19). “Small offences can ignite family or marital feuds, though such little things could be easily ignored in other relationships. It is a disgusting fact of man’s perversity that he often shows less mercy to family and friends than to strangers. Most find it easier to forgive a stranger than forgive someone they have loved and assumed would never hurt them. Consider offences between brothers in Scripture. Cain killed Abel out of envy at Abel’s goodness. Esau sought to kill Jacob for obtaining the blessing he had given away. Joseph’s envious brothers sold him into slavery. Absalom plotted two years before killing Amnon for raping his sister. The tribes of Benjamin and Judah both feuded with Israel.” (LetGodbeTrue.com on Prov. 18:9).24
God’s righteous standard of mercy and forgiveness will help resolve difficult conflicts. When a relationship is broken, God wants you to turn to His standard of mercy and forgiveness to bring healing. “A person’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” (Prov. 19:11). “For if you forgive other people for their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive other people, then your Father will not forgive your offenses.” (Matt. 6:14-15; Mk. 11:25-6; Lk. 6:37). “Then Peter came up and said to Him, ‘Lord, how many times shall my brother sin against me and I still forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times.”’ (Matt. 18:21-22). “bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also.” (Eph. 4:32). “bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also.” (Col. 3:13).
6. Holy Speech: To Maintain Godly Relationships, Your Speech Should be Holy, Gracious, and Filled with Joyful Hope in Jesus. Prov. 18:20-21.
Maintain your relationships with godly words. When you speak godly words of encouragement, healing, and hope in Jesus, God will bless you. “20 With the fruit of a person’s mouth his stomach will be satisfied; he will be satisfied with the product of his lips.” (Prov. 18:20). “Solomon emphasizes the importance of words in producing a good conscience. If a person's words are kind, gracious, and uplifting, he will benefit. His conscience will not trouble him, and his heart and mind will be at peace. A wise person (Proverbs 1:7; 10:19) is as careful about what he says as he is about what he eats. Good, healthful food serves the stomach well. It does not upset the stomach. Similarly, good, healthful words cause the conscience to be at peace.” (BibleRef.com on Prov. 18:20).25
Speak holy words that uplift and encourage those whom God has placed around you26
Use your words to speak life, healing, and reconciliation into your relationships. God wants you to speak Spirit-led words to heal conflicts or to the broken-hearted. “A person will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his words, and the deeds of a person’s hands will return to him.” (Prov. 12:14). “From the fruit of a person’s mouth he enjoys good, but the desire of the treacherous is violence.” (Prov. 13:2). “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.” (Prov. 10:11). “A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit.” (Prov. 15:4). “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Prov. 16:24). “Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” (Eph. 4:29). “It is not what enters the mouth that defiles the person, but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles the person.” (Matt. 15:11).
Speech is a gift that must be used carefully. Because your words can either rip down or build up others that God has placed around you, He wants you to pray and carefully use the words that He appoints for you to offer. “21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Prov. 18:21). “A man may do a great deal of good, or a great deal of hurt, both to others and to himself, according to the use he makes of his tongue. Many a one has been his own death by a foul tongue, or the death of others by a false tongue; and, on the contrary, many a one has saved his own life, or procured the comfort of it, by a prudent gentle tongue, and saved the lives of others by a seasonable testimony or intercession for them.” (Matthew Henry on Prov. 18:21).27
God will either reward you or judge you based upon your words. Your speech is so important for God’s community that He will bless, discipline, or judge based upon your words. “from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, these things should not be this way. Does a spring send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?” (Jam. 3:10-11). “You offspring of vipers, how can you, being evil, express any good things? For the mouth speaks from that which fills the heart. The good person brings out of his good treasure good things; and the evil person brings out of his evil treasure evil things. But I tell you that for every careless word that people speak, they will give an account of it on the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matt. 12:34-37).
7. Selfless Love: To Maintain Godly Relationships, Seek Out Companions Who Demonstrate a Selfless Love and Show a Selfless Love to Others. Prov. 18:22-24.
Selfless love should guide all marriages. Marriage is one of the most important relationships. Thus, believers should carefully search out the right partner and then work to maintain the marriage with selfless love. “22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Prov. 18:22). “The word ‘finds’ suggests an active search and pursuit. Love is not just handed to us; it takes effort, patience, and understanding. Establishing a loving relationship requires intentionally getting to know the other person while prioritizing values such as respect, communication, and trust. This verse encourages us to look for qualities in a partner that align with our own principles, creating a foundation for a flourishing partnership. Furthermore, this verse highlights the significance of marriage in God’s design. When we find a partner, we are also receiving favor from the Lord. This indicates that joining together in a covenant relationship is something God approves of and blesses. Partnerships built on love and faithfulness are pleasing to God, providing a spiritual connection often reflected in shared experiences, goals, and faith.” (Jamie Wilson ExplainingtheBible.com, Prov. 18:22).28
Love your spouse the same way that Jesus showed selfless love at the cross. A God-fearing spouse should be honored as a gift from God. “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.” (Prov. 19:14). God created marriage for love, companionship, support, and to raise the next generation of believers (Gen. 2:18-24). Thus, you must first search for a God-fearing spouse through prayer and careful examination to avoid being unequally yoked (2 Cor. 6:14). You should then treat your spouse as a treasure greater than wealth. “An excellent wife, who can find her? For her worth is far above jewels.” (Prov. 31:10). Each spouse should also honor the other with righteous and faithful conduct. “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.” (Prov. 12:3; 1 Tim. 3:11; 1 Cor. 7:2-5). Finally, each spouse should love and submit to each other the same way Jesus did out love for His Church (Eph. 5:25-33; 1 Pet. 3:1-7; Col. 3:18-19).
In your relationships, love should include humility. If God has blessed you with wealth, Solomon warned against allowing pride to influence your relationships. “23 A poor person utters pleadings, but a rich person answers defiantly.” (Prov. 18:23). “Poverty presents many inconveniences to the body, but it often has a good effect upon the spirit, for it makes him humble. It teaches us to be thankful for the things God has given us. On the other hand, a prosperous position many times causes a person to be unthankful and unkind in his attitude toward his fellow man.” (Ronald Young on Prov. 18:23).29
Humbly love those in need around you. In God’s sovereignty, He decides how much wealth each person can earn through their labors. “The LORD makes poor and rich; He humbles, He also exalts. He raises the poor from the dust, He lifts the needy from the garbage heap to seat them with nobles, and He gives them a seat of honor as an inheritance; for the pillars of the earth are the LORD’S, and He set the world on them.” (1 Sam. 2:7-8). Thus, those whom God has allowed to receive wealth have no right to mistreat the poor. “In arrogance the wicked hotly pursue the needy; let them be caught in the plots which they have devised.” (Ps. 10:2). “The LORD enters into judgment with the elders and leaders of His people, ‘It is you who have devoured the vineyard; the goods stolen from the poor are in your houses. What do you mean by crushing My people and oppressing the face of the poor?’ Declares the Lord GOD of armies.” (Is. 3:14-15). “But you have dishonored the poor man. Is it not the rich who oppress you and personally drag you into court?” (Jam. 2:6). If you show kindness to the poor, you show kindness to God, and He will bless you for your generosity. “One who is gracious to a poor person lends to the LORD, and He will repay him for his good deed.” (Prov. 19:17).
Carefully developed relationships that are rooted in selfless love. Finally, God wants you to focus on quality or the quantity of relationships. Just as you should look for a spouse who demonstrates selfless love, God wants you to cultivate and show selfless love to your friends. “24 A person of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Prov. 18:24). “Unreliable companions (re’im; see 3:28) refers to partners who fail in adversity. Broken in Isa. 24:19 is used of the earth being asunder. By contrast there is a friend (see 14:28) who sticks closer than a brother through weal and woe (cf. 17:17). The predicates are imprecise, suggesting that the man with run-of-the-mill friends is about to be ruined for want of one true friend; and the man with one true friend is not ruined. The Lord Jesus instantiates the true friend (cf. John 15:12-15; Heb. 2:11, 14-18). The significance of friends lies in their quality not their quantity.” (Bruce Waltke and Ivan De Silva on Proverbs 18:24).30
Love those around you the same way that Jesus loved you. As our example, David and Jonathan showed each other a selfless love that included support and encouragement. “Now it came about, when he had finished speaking to Saul, that Jonathan committed himself to David, and Jonathan loved him as himself…Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.” (1 Sam. 18:1,3). Also as our example, Jesus showed us that He is the ultimate friend because He laid His life down for everyone by suffering a brutal death at the cross. “Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends.” (Jo. 15:13). “We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers and sisters. But whoever has worldly goods and sees his brother or sister in need, and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God remain in him?” (1 Jo. 3:16-17; Ro. 5:8).
A single selfless friend is worth far more than multiple selfish friends31
Proverbs 18:1 Meaning & Explanation (with Related Verses) - Christianity Path↩︎
Image credit: Proverbs 18:1 : r/rooted_daily↩︎
Proverbs 18 Explained - Verse by Verse Commentary - God's Blessing↩︎
J. Vernon McGee, Thru the Bible, Commentary Series, Proverbs (Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville TN 1991), p. 157-58.↩︎
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Proverbs 18:6 Meaning and Commentary - Explaining the Bible↩︎
R. Young, Proverbs, A Commentary on the Book of Proverbs (SureWord Publications, Baltimore, MD, 2005), p. 249.↩︎
Image credit: Bible Gossip Quotes THE DANGERS OF GOSSIP GOSSIP IS CRUEL AND↩︎
B. Waltke and I. De Silva, Proverbs, A Shorter Commentary, (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2021), p. 278-79. (italics in original).↩︎
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Proverbs 18:16 Meaning and Commentary - Explaining the Bible↩︎
Image credit: Proverbs 18:20 Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction. | New Living Translation (NLT) | Download The Bible App Now↩︎
Proverbs 18 Commentary - Matthew Henry Commentary on the Whole Bible (Complete) | Bible Study Tools↩︎
Proverbs 18:22 Meaning and Commentary - Explaining the Bible↩︎
R. Young, Proverbs, A Commentary on the Book of Proverbs (SureWord Publications, Baltimore, MD, 2005), p. 253.↩︎
B. Waltke and I. De Silva, Proverbs, A Shorter Commentary, (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2021), p. 285-86. (italics in original).↩︎
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